Monday, February 13, 2017

I Remember

I remember
running around in her backyard
chasing Lord knows what
and breathing in that fresh spring air.
The old white swing set
and the blue and yellow tire
became my favorite playground.
And the little yellow honeysuckle
flowers were my favorite accessory
to pick off the bush and
stick into my hair.

I remember
playing "grocery store"
and "doctor"
with all the things we found in her house
and living in a world where
I could be anything and everything
because she made it happen.
I learned to be the best cashier
the world has ever known by bagging
her groceries
and I had my first glimpse into
my future career when I prescribed
chocolate covered sunflower seeds
to treat her "boo boos."

I remember
walking next to this
glorious woman and listening
to the magnificent stories of her days
as a daughter, a student, a teacher, a mother.
Every trip we took to that 7/11
is a treasured memory
filled with multi-colored slushies
and tiny packs of gum.

And I remember
taking breaks between schoolwork
to watch her favorite soap opera
before lunch
and catching up on all the latest gossip
of her life
and looking forward to that
two hour time frame of just
relaxing and enjoying each other's company.

But I also remember
getting annoyed at how much
she bothered me while I was reading
or when she didn't let me
watch my favorite shows.
And getting angry at comments she
made about my body and lifestyle
and how much hurt came from
those jabs at my self esteem.
And thinking about how everything
would be better once this woman was gone
from my life.

But now that she is gone
I wish that I had more time
more hours
more days
more weeks
more years
to talk to her and hear my favorite stories again.
I'm longing to walk to 7/11 with her
or play doctor and grocery store
or run free in her backyard while I chase
the everlasting freedom of childhood.

I don't have extra time
and I can't hear those stories
and my heart has broken
my soul has shattered
and the little old woman that I love so much
can't come pick up the pieces.
I keep telling myself it will be okay
and I suppose it will
but for now I will lie still
as my world collapses
in hopes that it won't hurt too bad
and that I will heal quickly.

And I will remember
all of the beautiful things
that came with being her granddaughter
and all of the lessons I learned
from being in her presence.
I will always be thankful for her.
And when I see her again,
we will make new memories
for all of eternity.

In loving memory of
Bit Hoesch
October 31, 1928 - February 21, 2016